Forget Grand Resolutions - Try Micro-Moments Instead

A kinder, more sustainable way to step into the new year - without the pressure of perfection.

It’s that time of year. My social media feed is flooded with new year’s resolutions, endless messages about becoming a “better version” of myself, and promises that this will be the year everything changes.

But here we are, in that peculiar post-Christmas haze where no one knows what day it is or which obligation they’re supposed to be at. Before you get swept up in the resolution momentum, I want to invite you to pause and ask yourself something simpler: What do I actually want from the year ahead?

A Different Starting Point

Before I had children, I would sit down for a few hours with Your Best Year Yet - a book my mentor gave me years back. It was a lovely exercise. But quite frankly, I don’t have the time or energy for that anymore.

So I’ve developed a different approach. And I want to share it with you - not because it’s revolutionary, but because it actually works when you’re living a full, complicated life.

Reflection in the Margins

I use snippets of time scattered throughout my day - during a walk, in conversation with my partner, or lying in bed while my little one falls asleep - to reflect on the year I’ve had. What worked well? What did I enjoy? What was hard? What do I want to change or achieve?

I’m not talking about hours blocked out with a planning journal (though if that works for you, brilliant). I’m talking about moments. Real, achievable moments.

Once I’ve gathered these reflections, I look for themes. I notice what feels easy to implement versus what would genuinely drain me. I break bigger goals into smaller, manageable chunks. I think about where I need support or accountability. But most importantly, I check: Does this align with the person I want to be and the life I want to live?

And this isn’t a one-time thing. I check in regularly throughout the year - weekly, often - to see how things are actually working. Is my schedule serving me and my family? What small shifts might help?

Why I Don’t Do New Year’s Resolutions

I’ll be honest: I don’t really like new year’s resolutions. They feel forced and prescriptive. They usually involve denying yourself something you enjoy or committing to something grueling that you’ll avoid the moment your motivation dips. And here’s what I’ve learned: restriction tends to lead to overindulgence somewhere down the line.

Instead, I take a different approach entirely.

Setting Yourself Up for Success

Here’s something we rarely do well: we compare ourselves to where we were before, rather than acknowledging where we actually are now.

Maybe it’s before you had children, or before an injury, or during a period when you had more time or energy. But that’s not your baseline anymore. Your baseline is today.

This is why breaking goals into manageable steps matters so much. You’re not trying to leap from zero to a hundred. You’re creating a path where you experience small wins, feel empowered, and actually want to keep going.

My Health Example

This past year, I focused on getting fitter. During the intense years of caring for young children, fitness became the bare minimum - something I maintained rather than developed.

But I didn’t jump into an ambitious training plan. Instead, I looked at what was realistically available to me.

I started with a rowing machine at home (easy, accessible, no excuses). Then I joined a gym near the school where I was already dropping off my kids. I tried yoga classes, but the 7 a.m. app-booking requirement before each class was too much friction. So I switched to swimming - something I could do anytime, fitting around my actual life.

I started with just 10 minutes, then added a little time in the steam room and sauna as a treat. Gradually, it became something I genuinely looked forward to. My husband even noticed on weeks I skipped - apparently I’m noticeably grumpier without it! Now I’ve carved out one dedicated swim session a week, and I work around that time. It’s become non-negotiable, not because it’s a resolution, but because it actually feels good.

Seasons of Focus

But here’s what I’ve come to accept: I cannot get everything in my life “sorted” at one time. Instead, I go through phases of what I’m focusing on.

For many years, my main focus was raising my children. That’s still an incredibly important focus, but it feels like I’m able to fit in other things around it now. This year, it’s been cardio fitness. I’m hoping to introduce more stretching through yoga again. But perhaps this year my main focus is going to shift to something else entirely.

Because right now, I’m determined to write my book.

I’ve wanted to write it for about six years, but writing regularly on Substack and seeing your feedback is giving me the confidence to prioritise it now. I have various commitments that need to happen, so I’m working out the most realistic way to do this. I manage to carve out time to write here on Substack, and I’m hoping to develop that. But I need to change my expectations. Instead of waiting for a few uninterrupted hours to sit and develop ideas, I’m shifting to 20 minutes every few days. Even one hour per week would be more than I’m currently managing.

Making Space for What Matters

And to create the space in my life for writing, I need to make other changes. I’m reducing time spent on cooking and household chores. I’m gradually getting our children more involved in chores - partly because I know how important it is for their development, but also to help distribute the load. Plus, we get to spend time together doing it, and we’ve had some very amusing games while sorting out the washing!

Making homemade, nutritious food for my family is really important to me, but it’s been hard to sustain as my work is ramping up. That’s why my husband and I are having conversations about how we manage cooking together, especially as he won’t be around as much to do the lion’s share like he has been over the Christmas holidays.

My expectations around food have had to shift. With two children to raise and everything else I’m juggling, we’re cooking one meal that everyone can eat - preferably at the same time, though if my husband is back late he’ll reheat dinner. The fancier, spicier foods are generally out of the equation for now. There’s not as much variety as I previously craved, and I know there are things that could be improved. But right now, I’m looking for good enough - relatively healthy and balanced, feasible in this busy season of life, and something I can actually sustain.

Some things, like my homemade granola, are non-negotiable. But most things? They just need to work for where I am right now.

The Real Secret

The most effective way to stick with a behaviour is this: make it enjoyable, achievable, realistic, and supported.

That’s it. Not dramatic. Not restrictive. Just sustainable.

So as you’re thinking about the year ahead, forget the grand transformations. Instead, ask yourself: What small thing could I actually do, in the margins of my life, that would move me toward who I want to be? And who could help me with that?

Start there. Accept that you’re in a particular season of life - and that seasons change. You don’t have to do everything at once.

That’s where real change happens.

If this resonated, feel free to share it with someone else in a full season of life. Or reply and let me know what your “micro-moment” reflection looks like this year.

With love and compassion,

Ellie

x